Using sexuality responsibly 2019.0118Rev.2019.0128 DRAFT

I am not going to talk here about misusing sexuality, for example raping, deceiving partners for the sake of pleasure, causing unwanted pregnancies, knowingly transmitting sexual disease, and so on. I think most people are aware when they misuse sexuality in these ways. I am going to talk about using sexuality responsibly in positive ways.

Sexuality is fundamentally powerful, and dangerous. It can bring new life, and it can cripple a person emotionally for life. Sexuality is unavoidable: It runs through all things, including the asexual. (One of the beauties of the yin-yang ball is that it directly expresses this.) Trying to suppress the sexual drive only makes it stronger. In an old joke a guest arrives at a monastery and a welcoming monk asks, "Would you like some tea?" When the guest assents the monk replies, "Then don't have any."

In the ancient compact of human genders, which is by no means a matter fixed in stone, the female accepts from the male his genes that have survived all the dangers he has faced—proven, sturdy genes. For the vast bulk of human history male ancestors faced much more danger than the female because males were fundamentally expendable: If all males but one were killed a tribe could continue to produce babies at an unchanged rate, but hardly so if all females but one were to perish.

The effect of the ancient arrangement is that the female principle looks to the male principle for evidence of competence in facing danger, and that is the main reason sexuality is fundamentally dangerous. The story is of course much more involved than this, not least because men have assumed more caretaking roles, women face more danger, and there are mixed and fluid genders, but the ancient imprint remains: Sexuality is fundamentally dangerous because the female principle wants to judge male competence.

How many kinds of danger there are to face! The tigers and bears are gone, and war has become an exercise in mechanical slaughter and global incineration. But there are other dangers, for example the dangers of rage about ideas, and the dangers of madness. These are no small dangers, so there is plenty of opportunity to demonstrate competence regardless of gender—plenty of new opportunities to be sexy.

There is a game I admire, and that illustrates the danger of sex. It is called Shoot the Moon, and is pictured here:

In the game one places the steel ball on the two rails and by moving the two grips (projecting through the near face of the game) laterally away from each other one tries to get the ball to roll all the way to the far end without its dropping short of the mark. It turns out that the successful move is exactly the move closest to abject failure, in which the ball drops essentially "at your feet". Using sexuality responsibly is like this: The most powerful move verges on disgrace.

So what's the point? Why mess with the dragon? The point is that sexuality is like arrow points meeting. On the one hand sexuality can be intoxicating, addicting, and waste a huge amount of time and effort. On the other hand life without it can feel weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. Zen offers the option of leaping clear of such concerns, but it also offers a place from which to leap joyfully into them, to stand between arrow points with a grin. For those able to hear the Siren and remain upright and still, sexuality offers a path to unparalleled intimacy, and stops time.

The point, too, is that many people have serious emotional and spiritual problems either related to sexuality, or accessible by way of it. Using sexual energy, whatever that may be, is an extremely portable obstacle-removing tool. And it's also a shortcut to ignominy.

As for myself, make no mistake about it, I have a Queen and am not looking for a new one. That said, I engage with other people directly and with few bounds—but with sensitivity to temperament, age and history, and with deference to my Queen of Big Mind. I am actually most interested in direct, visceral mind contact, allowing that mind and ground, like everything else, are inseparable. Lightning and ground seek each other. Powerful forms and energies are like dragons: They do not suffer fools, but are helpful friends when approached with care and skill. If you are an adult able to understand these words, but will not take responsibility for your actions then please steer clear of this Puzzle Dragon.